I’m going to tell you some very hard truths about what I see. You probably won’t like it, but if you don’t then just leave this page. Leave it now, because I’m going to bring the hurt.

Men complain all the time about women. It’s so pervasive in popular culture that we could number the jokes and not even have to tell them. We could assign letters to the bitchy comments and no one would know the difference. It has probably never occurred to you that you’re at least half of the problem, but you are. Seriously, there are things you could do to make the situation better, but you’re either too stupid to see the solution or too lazy to actually take action. I’m torn on which it is.

The first and best solution is to fucking LISTEN to women. Listen to, not just the words, but what they’re saying. I know it’s hard. I know that you think that it’s not worth the effort, but it really is. Most men view communication as a competition, whoever makes the other concede the point first, wins. That’s not the way that communication is supposed to work. It’s not about making a point or winning an argument, it’s about exchanging ideas. It’s learning about one another. The largest erogenous zone in the human body is the Brain, guys. You stimulate a woman’s brain, and you get laid more. You listen to what she’s saying and she gives you less shit. If you take women as seriously as you take your guy friends, you’ll have more women than you can imagine. It’s actually a proven fact.

There is a second point I’d like to make. The fact is that there are wonderful women out there that will make you happy. They don’t all look like Victoria’s Secrets underwear models. It’s a fact that you need to understand. Women do not all look the same and their physical appearance shouldn’t keep you from wanting to get to know them. You’ll find that once you get to know them, they become way more attractive. Do you really want women to decide whether they want to get to know you based on how closely you resemble Hugh Jackman? If you don’t, they why the FUCK do you judge women on how closely they resemble Megan Fox before you talk to them? Do you really think you have a chance with Megan Fox anyway? You think women only want you for your money? Try wanting them for more than their tits and see how quickly that changes.

Now ladies, lest you think you’re off the hook, I’m going to tell you something. I hear, all the time, that there aren’t any good men out there. Of course there are. You’re looking in the wrong goddam place for them, and you call them friends. You relegate them to the “friend” pile and never understand that they are everything you’re looking for but you’re too stupid to see it.

You see, a good man isn’t always going to be exciting. My beloved Scott is actually rather boring at times. We don’t live an exciting life, but if you think that “real” or “True Love” is supposed to be excitement all the time, put down that romance novel, turn off that romantic comedy, and bang your head on the table. If you want or have children, you don’t want midnight plane rides to Paris; you want someone who will get up at 1:00 am to take a toddler to the bathroom so you can get some sleep. You don’t want moonlight strolls through London; you want someone who’s willing to wait up until a teenager gets home from a date. Forget breakfast in bed, cleaning up the cat’s hairball first thing in the morning is really more romantic.

All of those things show that they actually care about YOU. There’s nothing wrong with the other stuff, it’s just not what a life together is actually made of. It’s not the big moments that prove the love, it’s the little ones.

Let’s talk about our fixation on “Bad Boys” for a second. I’ve fallen for them, too. You’re not going to change them. You aren’t going to civilize them and they’re not going to suddenly see the light and become reliable. It’s stupid to believe it. Any stories that you see about that happening are Fairy Tales. Married men that have affairs are not going to fall in love with you and become faithful. It never happens that way. If they cheat on their wives with you, they’re going to cheat on you with someone else. You taught them that it’s okay. It’s a fact. Deal with it.

In short, boys and girls, we all believe lies and fairy tales about each other. We all screw this up and we all need to change the way we look at each other. Men need to stop talking at women and start talking to them. Women need to stop trying to change men into what we think they need to be and start accepting them for who they actually are. We need to stop judging the opposite sex based on jokes, stories or preconceived notions. We’ll never be happy until we do.

I have, in my almost 50 years on this earth, had three long term relationships. The first was with an abusive, cheating drunk, and the second was with and abusive, cheating bad boy. I have been married to the man of my dreams for three years. He didn’t come in the package I always dreamed of, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is the man of my dreams.

Scott isn’t perfect. He’s a geek that talks about computers and physics until my eyes glaze over and make me wish for death. He does rather revolting things to his Ramen noodles and currently has an obsession with anime that I find baffling. He’s not tall, dark and handsome. I love him dearly.

I’m not perfect either. The kitchen always looks like a battlefield after I cook, and he bravely cleans it. He rarely complains about it, but I know that he’d rather I did a better job at cleaning up after myself. I’m not the exotic type of beauty that he likes looking at, but it doesn’t matter, and my obsession with all things fiber bores him to tears, but he bravely fights the urge to fall asleep when I wax poetic about the virtues of wool.

Our life isn’t exciting, but both of us understand that it doesn’t have to be in order for us to be happy. I see so many people out there looking for love, and not understanding that it’s right there, under their noses. They’re either too blind or too busy discounting people to see it.