All my life, I’ve been told that men were smarter than I am. I’ve been told that men are stronger, both emotionally and physically, and that I can never accomplish what men can, because I’m just a girl. To be fair, my parents never said that, and my mother went ballistic all over people when they tried to say it to my face, but the message was there all the same. The media conveys it in every word.

That is the basic message of the patriarchy. Men are better. Women are weak, emotional, unstable and shallow. Women can’t control themselves and can’t be trusted to make their own decisions. Women’s worth, according to the patriarchy, is based upon how they look and how well they can serve the men who are their “natural” superiors.

Let’s take a look at what patriarchy says about men, shall we?

The patriarchy says that women are worthy based on how they look. . The patriarchy says that only if women look and behave a certain way, can they be attractive to men. What does this say about men? It says than men are shallow, and can only judge women based on appearance. It says that men are too stupid and lazy to look any deeper than boob size to find a woman they are compatible with. It insults every man out there, by calling them appearance obsessed idiots. If I were a man, I’d find that extremely offensive, and I certainly wouldn’t support a system that says such things about me.

The patriarchy says that women must look and behave a certain way or they deserve the violence that men heap upon them. What this says about men is that men are animals that are incapable of any form of self-control. It says that women and women only, are the determiners of men’s behavior. It says, actually, that women are in control of men and how they act, and that men simply are simply organisms that act and react on outside stimulus. Kind of insulting, don’t you think?

It says that women are interested in men’s money and power, and that alone. I find this one particularly interesting, because it says that men have no other redeeming qualities than money. It says that all men have going for them is money. Just like women have no other value than breast size and fecundity, men have no other value than the monetary one. Maybe I’m just an illogical and emotional woman, but that doesn’t seem good to me.

According to the patriarchy, women are illogical and emotional, unable to control themselves or their actions. Yet, and interestingly enough, the patriarchy says that a woman’s place is in the home, caring for children. What does it say about men, that you would trust your children to people that are emotionally unstable? What does it tell you, that the patriarchy says that the emotionally unstable is, by nature, supposed to care for the most vulnerable among us? Hmmm….. Causes one to think, doesn’t it?

Finally, the patriarchy says that men should have the right to decide when, if and how we reproduce, and that we shouldn’t have control of our own bodies. Let’s try this for illogic, shall we. As previously discussed, men can’t control their own behavior when it comes to women. If we behave badly, or sexually, the patriarchy believes that we deserve to be raped or beaten. However, the patriarchy believes that the same men, who can’t control themselves, should have control over women’s bodies. If they can’t control themselves, what makes any man think that they can control something outside themselves, namely women? What kind of a logical pretzel do you have to contort yourself into, to reach that insane conclusion? Yet, there it is. It happens. It’s happening all over the world, and men and women accept it.

Not all men overtly believe this. Even my own, rather enlightened husband, has admitted to some of these attitudes, though in fairness, when it’s pointed out to him he admits it’s stupid. The messages for these things are everywhere, but we refuse to confront them directly.

So, gentlemen, the system you set up insults you. You say that you’re against feminism, because feminism is “man hating.” Clearly, the patriarchy hates men just as much; it just doesn't want to admit it. 

There is, in my life, and overabundance of stupid. I’m not going to lie here, I’ve been engaging in a bit of it myself lately, but it’s mostly coming from other people. So I’m going to rant a bit here. I’m pretty sure you’ll find yourself here.

First of all, I’m not going to win. The rules of the game are rigged. I can either lose by following the rules, or I can lose by being myself. No way around it here. I’m going down in flames. Do I go down dressed in a red dress with a bottle of wine in one hand and a box of Godiva in the other, or do I do it dressed in a burka? Decisions, decisions, decisions….

I hate it when I fight with myself like this. The answer to this dilemma should be easy, but somehow it never is. When is it going to get easier?

Another thing, and this one doesn’t have to do with me… Why do people let casual acquaintances get them all pissed off about “not respecting” them, but let those closest to them stomp all over them? What’s up about that? I mean, seriously. I’ve had more than a few people on my Facebook friends list post that “if you don’t respect my personal life or political opinions I’ll cut you out of my life,” but they let lovers cheat, lie and rob them of dignity with impunity.

For Fuck’s Sake, people, get a grip. If it’s not okay for someone to bitch because you’re gay, or want women’s rights, or think that feeding the poor is more important that a fucking aircraft carrier, why is it okay if they screw everyone in sight?? I don’t get it. What’s the point of tossing people out of your life for disrespect, when the people close to you get away with it? If you put up with the disrespect from the people closest to you, do you really have the right to bitch about others showing you disrespect? Aren’t you teaching them that it’s okay by allowing lovers and family to do it?

While we’re on the subject of political beliefs… It’s okay for people to not agree with you. Everyone has the right to be wrong. We don’t all have to agree. Let’s all be intellectually honest, though. If you’re only reason for believing something has to do with a hatred of the other side, or a book that was written 2,000 years ago, you’ve already lost. You deserve to lose. Suck it up.

I’m all for spiritual beliefs informing one’s opinions. I do it all the time. What I don’t do is allow the inherent illogic of those beliefs to make my decisions for me. I believe that we, as a society, have an obligation to make sure the less fortunate have things like health care, food, and shelter. I believe that my GLBT brothers and sisters have the legal right to marry and form families, just like the heterosexual among us do. I believe all of those things, in part, because of my spiritual belief that we all have the spark of the Divine within us. That spark demands that we all be treated with respect, dignity and equality. I also know that the Constitution of the United States allows for such things, and that refusing basic rights to all people will only allow fucktards to take rights away from more and more people.

Thank you for listening to my rant. You may now join our previously scheduled programming, already in progress…..

Men and women are different. We look at the world differently. We solve problems differently. Our spiritual connections are profoundly different. That’s a fact, and if you want to argue with me, go ahead. You have the right to your own opinion, and if you use that right to be totally wrong, that’s your choice, not mine.

There are some people I know, and you know who you are, who will use that statement to imply that the “women’s way” is somehow less than the men’s way. You know the typical bullshit about being illogical or overly emotional. The fact is that woman have a more emotional and visceral connection to the Divine. It’s easier for us to connect with the Divine, because we carry in our bodies the creative force in the Universe. We create and give birth to life. Men are part of the cycle but women are the cycle. Daily, monthly, yearly and for most of our lives, it’s what we do. So we’re more emotional about it. What the fuck is wrong with that??

Men connect to the Divine literally, and at first on a purely intellectual level. Now, before you go all ape shit on me and tell me I don’t understand, I’ll tell you that this wasn’t something I believed until my husband said it. If you want to throw stones, throw them at him first. (I’ll warn you, he throws back, and he has really good aim, so think about it first. He’s not a sweetheart like me.) Men think in an almost exclusively linear fashion. Point a leads to point b leads to point c… On and on times infinity…. They learn that way, they solve problems that way and they live their lives as almost entirely goal oriented.

I’m not bashing men when I say this. It would be like being angry at my cat for being unable to resist the yarn on the coffee table. It’s just the way they are, and it’s cool. They say that there are men out there that don’t think this way, but I’ve never actually met one. I think they’re like unicorns; you have to be a virgin to meet one. (that train left the station a looooong time ago, so I’m not holding my breath.)

Women think and connect differently. We think and connect by seeing the relationships. While men see a tree, women see the tree as the leaves, roots and trunk and how they relate to one another. It’s just a difference, that’s all; one of the inherent differences between men and women that make life exciting and frustrating.

Here’s where the problem lies. Men, for reasons of power and control, decided long ago to portray a woman’s way of seeing and dealing with the world as inferior to theirs. “Women’s intuition” is as reviled as it is feared. Women’s emotionality is considered unstable. A woman’s ability to multi-task, as in cook dinner, keep the kids from killing themselves and others, doing the laundry and studying for an exam, is looked at as a lack of ability to focus. They aren’t looked at as the strengths they actually are, they’re portrayed as negatives. Men don’t do it as well as women, so they say that women’s ability to do somehow makes them unfit. Or, perhaps, they want to “spare the little lady” anymore stress. (that’s what they say at least. I’m calling bullshit on that.)

What I’m trying to lead up to, and going the scenic route to get there, is that men have set the world up in a way that makes it harder for women to be our authentic selves. Women are at war within themselves. On the one hand, we know that we have a built in connection to the Divine, but on the other, we’re being told that the connection we have is wrong or faulty in some way. It’s not a “logical,” or linear connection, so it’s either not a true connection or the connection was formed wrong. (Yes, I’ve actually been told that.)

Almost every religion designs its structure on a linear, goal oriented, male model. I’m including all of those “feminine positive” ones in there as well. I say almost, only because there are some I haven’t seen yet, and it’s possible, though not likely, that there is one or two out there that don’t. What are we saying to women, when we structure everything in a way that makes in harder, if not impossible, for them to achieve prominence by using our gifts and talents in a way that is native to us? We’re saying, in short, that women are inferior, and that’s not the truth.

I’m not trying to overthrow the world. (okay, maybe I am, but it’s for a good cause.) What I want to do first is to level the playing field. I want people, men and women alike, to understand that women and men can do the same things, but that we can to them equally well but differently. We don’t have to use the same path to reach the same destination; we just have to all get there.

I live a traditional life. I don’t work outside the home. I do traditional type “women’s” work during my day. I spin, I knit, I cook and do laundry. This is where I find my bliss, this is what I enjoy. This is how I find happiness.

I believe that this is my choice, and I choose to live my life this way. I work hard, I accomplish things. The next person to tell me that I’m “only a housewife,” or that I “don’t work,” is going to have an up close and personal meeting with the pointy end of a knitting needle. Seriously, folks, I’m still waiting for the soaps and BonBons thing to start. My life certainly isn’t that way at all. You’re delusional if you think that my life or any home keeping woman’s life is like that.

Having said all of that, I want to make it clear that I am a feminist. If women want to venture outside the home to earn a living, the God’s Bless them. It’s their right and their choice. They should have every opportunity to do so, and no barriers should be put in their way. They shouldn’t be looked down upon, nor should they have to give up things that men aren’t expected to give up in order to do so. Some women have to work outside the home to provide for their families. All women deserve to be paid equally to men.

Along the same vein, I also think that men should have these choices. If a woman earns as much as her husband or partner, and he wants to stay home, he should have that choice. No one should look down upon him because he finds his bliss in a different way than other men.

That, my friends, is what the feminist movement is really all about. Yeah, it got sidetracked by a bunch of loonies. It lost its way among the emotional thickets that people put up, but it is, in essence, about choices for everyone, not just women. That’s the one thing that the anti-feminist crowd doesn’t understand. If women, and their work, are elevated to its proper place, then everyone is elevated. A tide that rises raises all ships, not just those piloted by women. If women can make the best life choices for themselves, then men are also freer to choose things that may be unconventional.

That, boys and girls, is the true meaning of feminism. It’s a message that has been lost in the choruses of “man hating” and “feminazi” bullshit.

My daughters have made different choices with their lives. You know what?? That’s fantastic. I am in total support of their ideas of following their bliss. I believe that it’s up to them to decide the best course for their lives, just as I support each and every man, woman and child in their decisions for what is best for them. I am not living their life any more than they are living mine.

So, you want to revile feminists? So you want women in the kitchen, unable to decide how many children they have? So, you want old, white men deciding if you can choose whether or not you can be sexually active and what jobs you can or can’t do? That is, of course, your decision. You have no right to make those decisions for me, or anyone else on the fucking planet. As an adult woman, I am offended by the idea that I am not smart enough, adult enough, or just plain too emotional to make these decisions for myself. 

My ancestors, women of strength and character, would mow you down where you stand for that. I am their daughter, and though it’s illegal for me to slay you where you stand, I’m going to call you on that bullshit here and now. There is a line in the sand, and you will not cross it.

I may stay in the kitchen, but it’s my fucking choice to do so. My sisters and daughters can make other choices, and that’s okay by me. 

Men, Women, Sex and Property Rights

I’ve thought about this long and hard.  I’ve thought about how to present this and offend the fewest people possible. I’ve decided that there is no possible to do that, so I’m just going to throw caution to the wind. Hang with me here, you may find yourself agreeing with me against your own will.

Here in the US, there is a very large kerfuffle about women’s rights. Should all insurance policies cover birth control? Should religious organizations be forced to “pay” for these policies? Should women have reproductive freedom? Should a woman be able to choose abortion if they are faced with an unplanned pregnancy? What about equal pay for equal work? Should a woman be able to sue if they are discriminated against in the work place? Do women deserve paid maternity leave?

For me, the answer to all of these questions is, of course, yes. Women deserve all of the rights that men enjoy. It’s a no brainer, really. The question then becomes, why, to a certain segment of the population, is the answer to all of these questions, no? Property rights.

For a long segment of human existence, women were considered the property of men. We were “owned,” first by our fathers, then by our husbands, and if we lived longer than our husbands, then to our sons. We were bargained and traded for in the marketplace, our bodies and lives given to others for land, influence, profit, and to cement treaties. It’s the way it is, folks, let’s not be squeamish about admitting it.

Now, at our point of evolution, or some semblance thereof, men find that they can’t do that anymore. We have, to a certain extent, fought, scratched, kicked, screamed, and nut crushed our way into a place in society where we have the veneer of self-determination. Mind you, it’s only the thinnest of veneers; we still have a long way to go. Our mothers fought, and we thought we could just sit back, stop fighting, and enjoy the fruits of their labors. We were wrong. Once again, the religious Reich, the fundies, those that want to own us are fighting back, and fighting dirty.

They want to take our freedoms away. The want the right to decide what we do with our bodies, without taking the responsibility for those decisions; those responsibilities are ours to bear. We decided to open our legs, or leave the abusive bastards that beat us. If we don’t like being paid less than men for the same job, well we can just find another job…. Right?? If we don’t want children, we can put an aspirin between our slutty knees. If we have sex, we shouldn’t expect the men we had sex with to pay money for the support of those children, much less stick around and do the work of raising them. Fuck no!! After all, it was our whorish ways that got us into that mess. Pregnancy is a “gift from God,” even if we got raped. Let’s make lemonade out of lemons, as it were.

The people that tell us that want to drag us into the past. They want women to be property again. I know, I know, you think I’m nuts. There is one more piece of evidence that I want to throw out there, and it’s not openly apparent. It’s about my GLBT brothers and sisters. What??? How do they fit in here??

You see, they’re facing fights on their own, and we’re natural allies. One of the reasons the Religious Reich and the haters don’t want them to marry, is the same reason that they want to shove women back into the box. Property rights.

Hang with me, here, because it really does make sense. These people can’t or won’t see a world in which two people who love each other can meet on even ground as equals. They refuse to see men and women as partners and not as conquerors and conquered. Someone has to be on top; someone has to lead. There has to be someone in charge, and that happens to be MEN. In a homosexual relationship, there is no “natural leader.” You can’t point to one partner or the other and say, “That’s the one in charge.” By nature, if both partners are of the same gender, neither has the “natural” place of control. One does not, in essence, own the other.

Social chaos ensues. If someone isn’t in charge, the whole process, in their eyes at least, breaks down. That is, I think, the “Homosexual Agenda” that they fear. They fear equality. They fear women being seen as the equals to men. They fear Gays and Lesbians being equal to Straights. They fear not being in control. They fear not owning their partners, because once ownership of another human being is destroyed, they lose power.

Fear not, my friends. Now that we know what we’re fighting, we know how to fight it.