Well, it’s time for the annual rite of insanity known as the Holidays. Let me say, for the record, that I am well provisioned in my bunker, waiting out the crazies. I sit, sure in the knowledge that, like a kidney stone, this too shall pass. I can wait them out.

I don’t want to talk about the looniness going on at shopping malls all over the world. I can’t stop that, and I really don’t want to. If people want to go to Toys R Us and fight to the death over a video game, who am I to try to stop them. It’s their lives and if they want to shed blood over a video game or other crap they don’t need, good on them. When the holidays are over and the bodies are cleared from the field of battle, I can walk in, get what I want, and walk out without injury.

No, what I really want to address is the “War on Christmas.” That’s the idiocy I’m referring to. It’s here… again… like a Civil War reenactment every year. People don’t want to let the war end.

I used to think it was only crazy Christian fundies and Fox Nooze that perpetuate this, but now I’m not so sure. After watching my Facebook feed for the past couple of days, I’m convinced that Pagans, too, want to wage the “War on Yule,” or some other bullshit. (To my family and friends, don’t worry. I put on flame retardant panties this morning. I’m going to be fine.)

You see, here’s what I see happening. The opening shots usually come from the Fundies (or Fox Nooze.) Then Pagans, who have been studying all year for this, start firing away about how Christmas Trees are really Yule Trees, and Christians stole them from us. We go on and on about this or that Holy Day that was celebrated at this time of year, and how the Church co-opted those days to win converts. This year, I’ve noticed a new bit of ammunition about how there are verses in the Bible on how Christmas trees are forbidden.

I won’t dispute the veracity of any of these things. They are, for the record, quite true. They are all, however, academic and make no fucking difference whatsoever. It’s meaningless. We can babble on and on about Saturnalia, and how Santa Claus is really Odin, or whatever theory is in vogue, but it’s useless and just perpetuates the idea that we are stealing Christmas. It’s worse when, since we know we’re right, we get like a cat playing with a lizard, and won’t let up until the damn thing is dead.

It’s hurting our cause and convincing said Crazy Fundies that they’re right. We’re trying to take away Christmas. In other, plainer words, we’re doing to them exactly what they do to us.

It’s unbecoming. It’s stupid. More importantly, it’s hurting us. It’s making us look like a bunch of petulant children fighting over a toy. It’s time to give it up.

We all want people that profess a faith to live by the tenets of that faith. If people claim that a book is literally true, then that entire book is literally true. Yes, I know all of that. It’s just that they stole this stuff a very long time ago. The statute of limitations ran out a couple of centuries ago. Let it go.

You can make your point, of course. I’d be disappointed if you didn’t. After you make your point, let it go. Leave it alone. Walk away. Act like the grown up in the situation and let them have the fucking Christmas tree, or whatever. You can go home, sit in front of your Yule tree and have an egg nog in peace. There is nothing to be gained from continuing to fight. If we do this, and they continue to scream, (and they will,) we win because they look like idiots fighting with no one.

And also, I get some peace and don’t have to listen to the bullshit anymore.